Loss of a Loved One
Having Hope And Faith
When Your Loved One Moves On
When you deal with the loss of a loved one, you may feel the most gut wrenching pain you have ever experienced in your life. In a moment, someone whom you love and care for is no longer here. The grief can be enormous. You will definitely miss this person. Nothing can change that. However, I truly believe that the circumstances which surround your loved one’s passing, can impact how you experience it.
When You Don’t Expect It
The loss of loved one is very difficult when it happens suddenly and you don’t expect it. One of my dear friends had been dealing with cancer for several years. Although she had this illness, her body began to gain more strength and endurance. She even joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. Although her family did not have high hopes for her recovery, she did. She often told me that she was not ready to go yet. Then suddenly, the doctors found very large and aggressive tumors in her liver. In less than a week, she passed away. In this situation, the loss of a loved one feels like someone has ripped your heart right out of your body. It takes quite a while to process this.
After a Long-Term Illness
My father-in-law passed away after struggling with bone cancer for almost 10 years. When he was first diagnosed, he was only given a year to live. However, he was a strong man who had a fighting spirit (he had been in the Army for more than 20 years) and he did not plan to give up easily. For a number of years, he had monthly cancer treatments and he did remarkably well. Then he began to struggle more with each passing day. His body began to develop many problems. His pain increased dramatically. It became harder for him to get around. Finally, he was confined to his bed. We knew the end was near, so we had the opportunity to spend a great deal of time with him before he passed on. In this case, the loss of a loved one was a blessing. It was so hard for us to see my father-in-law in so much pain. We had time to get used to the idea that he was moving on, and it was a relief to see his struggle finally end.
When the Person Wants to Move On
The loss of a loved one can almost feel peaceful when you know the person wants to move on. My mother never really got over the death of my stepfather Walter. She missed him terribly and she rarely smiled after he died. Several years after Walter passed, my mother began telling my family that she was ready to move on and be with him. Even though she was healthy, she got her will in order. She started putting notes on the items in her apartment to let us know what she wanted to give to each of us. Then out of the blue, she became very ill and was hospitalized. She told the doctors that she, ‘did not want to prolong this.’ She had absolutely no fear of dying. She let me and my sister know that she was ready to be with Walter again. After four weeks, my mother passed away. It was a shock to have my mother become so ill and die so quickly. However in this case, I felt like my mother had gone into the welcoming arms of my stepfather. As soon as my mother had passed, I felt her spirit smiling as she once again laughed at one of Walter’s endless jokes.
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Dealing With Your Loss – What Happens After Death?
You will probably never stop missing your loved one. And you shouldn’t. That person was a very important part of your life and will always have a special place in your heart. I think that if you have a positive idea about what happens after death, it can help you handle your loved one’s transition.
Life is Eternal – I believe that even though we may shed our physical bodies as we die, life is eternal. It doesn’t end. It just moves to a different experience. When my father-in-law was making his transition, he began talking to his mother who had already passed on. When my mother was making her transition, she was looking at, and talking to my stepfather Walter. This happens many times when people are making their transition. They begin to ‘talk’ to those loved ones who have gone before them. We need to have hope and faith that one day we will, once again, be reunited with our loved ones.
The Spirit is Alive – Even though my mother is physically gone, I feel her spirit all the time. I still have conversations with her. I know she hears me and I can get a sense of her responding to me. Because her spirit is still so much a part of my life, I sometimes forget that she is no longer here.
Memories Keep That Person with You – A person is more than a body. When you remember the good times that you experienced with your loved one, that person remains with you. You can still feel those wonderful feelings that the positive memory brings you. Your loved one is still very much alive in your heart.
Moving On
Whether you are prepared for it or not, whether your loved one is ready to move on or not, life changes forever with the loss of a loved one. It is never easy to lose someone you care about. I think it helps to hold the belief that though your loved one may not be physically present in your life right now -- some day you will be together again.
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