Losing a baby to SIDS

by Nancy
(Colorado)



When my daughter died of SIDS New Year's Eve, 1959 at 3 wks of age, I grieved for 48 yrs and could not get the image of her face turning blue from my mind. That Holiday was lost forever as that huge hole would resurface each year. Then I began a path of deep meditation, opening my heart and mind to Divine Guidance. One morning Karen's face came to me, looking exactly like my #3 son. Although she only appeared that once, I was relieved of that mental image and now I am at ease. I believe she appeared to help me see her differently and that she is OK.


That story is another of its own...They didn't have a name for it then so I asked every doctor for 3 yrs - what happened?...

Recently, before her appearance, I was going to find a support group, but then thought about it -in a group of young mothers experiencing this kind of death and me still grieving 48 yrs later, did not seem like a positive thing for them to see.So I didn't.

Several events exacerbate this situation, the breast milk continues to produce itself, longer than one would think...and the hospital photographer would call routinely, 3 mos, 6 mos, 1 yr etc...I was pretty patient in the beginning but finally told one to stop calling -she is dead. Then it stopped.- of course there were always those persons who had not heard and were happily calling to see how things were going. No computer in those days. News was slow.



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Jul 09, 2011
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sids
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry. I lost my baby three years ago, she was a month and six days old. Is there any way you can help?


Response from Nancy

I want to go into greater detail about how I was able to move forward in life after the death of my baby to SIDS.

Karen Anne was born on Dec 10th and I found her lifeless in her crib early morning Jan 1st. Her face was nearly blue. This image of her was carved into my memory for years. Most of what happened after I found her was a blur.

We traveled to Rhode Island for the burial. When I returned home after the burial, I found that my cousins had very carefully removed all evidence that Karen Anne had existed at all. The baby furniture and clothing were gone. I had nothing to hold on to. I did not know it then, but I realized later how very much I needed to touch those clothes and cry and cry and cry.

For years, I questioned every doctor I encountered and asked how can this happen? She was fine when I put her to bed. Did I do something wrong? Did she smother?

Every year as Karen Anne?s birthday approached, I had spontaneous outbursts of tears and sobbing throughout the entire holiday season.

In the years that passed since Karen Anne died, I never met any other mothers who had experienced SIDS so I had no idea how they managed to move forward in their lives. It was clear I was on my own.

Someone suggested that I put more effort into celebrating Karen Anne's birthday and not focus on the date that she passed. I was not successful at that, but it might be useful for other parents to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of their lost child.

The release and relief from the pain to peace

What really helped me is when I was introduced to meditation, Buddhism, contemplative thinking, and the Science of Mind philosophy. I had no idea at that time how very important this training would be for me.

I found that disciplining my mind was the key. Every morning, I would sit with my eyes closed and recite The Prayer of St. Francis as part of my meditation. I had read that if I were to take any piece of the prayer and recite it slowly each week without straying from the text, I would gain great peace of mind, at least for moments.

During one of these sessions, the face of Karen Anne appeared to me. Her face was not blue! Needless to say I was thrilled and grateful for this glimpse of the baby that I had known and loved. I can cherish the memory of her beautiful face. She has not reappeared again but I now speak to her each morning and I thank her for her presence.

I know that being angry and resentful and alone in my grief was one of the reasons that my pain lasted so long. I learned through my years of study what meditation, love and compassion can do for me. I have been freed from the suffering of a loss, to knowing that Karen Anne's energy has only changed form and she continues on.

I sincerely hope that my story can help other grieving parents deal with the loss of their child.

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